What to Expect When Your Expecting? It’s going to suck.

I am a stuffed sausage that grows larger as the day progresses. So now seems like a good time to introduce extreme fatigue and morning sickness. Morning sickness, for me, couldn’t have been more underrated. It isn’t morning sickness. It is an all day sh*t show (sometimes literally). There wasn’t a moment something wasn’t coming out of me. How am I still existing? I have nothing left inside of me. I felt tired down to my bones. Getting out of bed was a horrible experience. The dehydration was getting the best of me. All moms-to-be, I’m not one to loosely throw advice around, but please stay hydrated! Whenever I would stand-up I would get tunnel vision and almost pass out. There were a handful of times I would stand up and almost black out, but I was still conscious. I had orthostatic hypotension before getting pregnant so this wasn’t alarming to me. What was alarming to me? When I would have fuzzy vision and not be able to move. The movements I did make were involuntary and spastic, like a seizure. The only thing that seemed to help was to bend my knees and make sure I had a solid surface nearby to support me when I stood.

I can barely live, much less work. I have to work. But I can’t make it there. I try. Sometimes I can almost make it there (I only live 15 minutes away) but it’s inevitable, I end up vomiting. Sometimes at a gas station, sometimes on the side of the road. I tried to keep a plastic bag in my car for these not-so-wonderful occasions but that was an epic fail. I used it once and the combination of the smell and housing it inside the car with me was too much, I threw up again. On the side of the road. I try to keep it classy.

Adam and I only have one income right now, mine. The most frightening thought is losing my insurance. What if I get fired for this? I’ve been so sick I can’t even talk. I have never been pregnant and have never missed more than a day or two of work. Especially in a row. I am exploring uncharted territory and I am a combination of sick and embarrassed that I’m sick, that I cry. Then it becomes too much and I go back to the hospital.

This time I felt much worse. I am experiencing severe dehydration. I’m admitted to the hospital. My electrolytes are out of balance. I haven’t slept in what felt like forever. There was some spotting, and my whole body hurt. I received fluids, phenergan, and hope. The baby is still in there. I haven’t messed it up yet. I am so afraid of miscarrying. I have been reading positive affirmations. They help for the 2-3 minutes it takes to read them. I re-hydrate and I’m let loose with the instructions of, “try not to stress yourself out.” How vague is that?? Could they give me a pamphlet on how to go about this?! I am stressed out. I don’t want to lose my job or my insurance. I have to get back to work. Other than peeing every 5 minutes night and day, I am starting to feel better.

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